Yeah, I actually started working toward opening The Joint a year ago today…
So in Facebook, I got one of those “Share you memories” things that pop up every so often. I forget that sometimes I am actually a bit of a “nut job”. I figured I’d repost it here.
Happy Anniversary to me…I think. Anyway, here’s what I had to say a year ago today:
One of my friends on-line ( Bigmista from Bigmista’s BBQ and Sammich Shop in Long Beach, CA ) was “venting” about how many people get pissy when he runs out of food at his BBQ shop.
People have no clue how long GOOD BBQ actually takes to make so that it TASTES LIKE GOOD BBQ !!!!
I don’t have my biz running…yet ( * remember this was October, 2015 * ), but here is a typical weekend when I’m going to be smoking “only” 40lbs of pork butt:
6 am: I head to my local supplier to get 40lbs of FRESH pork (Boston Butts or Pork Shoulder to the uninitiated).
7 am: I get home and prepare the buts with the rub and ingredients I prepared over the course of the previous few nights after my day job. I wrap everything in foil and put in fridge, pissing off wife and step kids because I moved EVERYTHING to make room.
9 am: I start making 2 gallons of my secret recipe BBQ sauce.
9:10 am: Run to the store to grab all the missing ingredients “I was just SURE I had more (insert secret ingredient name(s) here) of”.
9:40 am: Restart the process of completely “trashing the kitchen” making sauce. (BTW … Trashing The Kitchen is the name of my new band!!!)
11:15 am Set 5.25 GALLON (!!!) stock pot to simmer on low heat for next 6 hours stirring every 10 minutes. Open and consume first of many beers that will disappear throughout the next 36 hours…
11:16 am Get reminded that The Princess is not going to clean up after me…AGAIN !!!!
11:17 am Pick self up off of ground after a quick yet severe thrashing from The Princess after “smarting off”…
11:18 am Consume 2 beers in quick succession to relieve pain and reduce bruising…
11:20 am Clean smoker with FIRE !!!!
11:33 am Explain to nice Police Officer that “No, Sir, I’m not burning trash in my back yard, I’m just cleaning my smoker and yes, of course I will save you some pork tomorrow night if you won’t cite me for being a public nuisance.”
11:45 am Get hose and put out wooden fence that tried to go up in flames. Give up trying to put out tree that I never liked anyway.
12:07 pm Assure responding fire department hook and ladder crew that things are under control and of course I’ll save them some pork and sauce.
12:30 pm Start hauling 80lbs of charcoal to smoker. Place two 5 gallon buckets of wood chips next to smoker, add water.
1:00 pm Start boiling containers used to store sauce.
1:15 pm Assure The Princess I am not getting drunk.
1:18 pm Start feeling drunk. Switch to vodka instead of beer.
1:20 pm to 5:00 pm Watch a collection of DIE HARD movies.
5:15 pm Transfer sauce to containers. Put containers in fridge and cause near riot because no one can get to anything else in fridge.
5:20 Start “cleaning kitchen”…
5:20:30 Give up on kitchen.
1:30 am Start charcoal for smoker.
2:30 am Pull pork from fridge and put in smoker. Add 4th load of charcoal in fire box. Watch with glee as fire box starts glowing red hot.
3:15 am – 4:30 pm Add new charcoal to smoker every 45 minutes. Check meat internal temps every 1/2 hour. Move butts in smoker to maintain even temps. Add wet wood chips to create enough smoke so it can be seen from space as needed.
4:45 pm Remove butts from smoker and put in empty 60qt cooler to “rest” for one hour. Unsuccessfully beg The Princess to get me more beer.
6:00 pm Take butts from cooler and put in aluminum trays and start pulling.
7:30 pm Finish pulling pork and start portioning out to fill orders.
8:15 pm Try to figure out who to piss off because 40lbs of raw pork yields 31 lbs of smoked pulled pork….
8:17 pm add 9lbs of sauce to 31lbs of pork to equal 40 lbs of product and pray no one notices.
8:20 pm Pull everything out of fridge and put on counter. Put pork in fridge. Play Tetris with everything on counter trying to get it back in fridge.
8:25 pm I stop trying to be nice and put cargo tie downs around the fridge and tighten until door closes all the way.
8:26 pm Get beaten unconscious by The Princess…
So the moral of the story is: Be happy I am just stupid enough to do this every few weekends. If you don’t think it’s worth it, ask the people who have tried it…and quit bitching when I run out!!!!